What do People in Crisis Need? By Danielle

When someone is experiencing a crisis, it can be hard to know how to help. There are many things family, friends, and other loved ones can do to offer good support, not just in the immediate aftermath of a crisis, but also in the weeks and months that follow.

If someone you care about is experiencing a crisis, this resource offers practical suggestions for how to offer support.

If you are experiencing a crisis, this resource is something you can use to help understand what might be helpful during this time. You can also share this resource with support people.

Let’s begin with a short metaphor:

Imagine you happen upon an injured wild animal. Let’s say it’s a small bird, and there’s no veterinarian or medical help available—it’s just you and this bird. The injury isn’t fatal, but it could be if the bird is left to fend for itself. Helping the bird poses no risk to you.

You realize you can’t comfort the bird with words because it won’t understand, but you can still help. You can offer love and care, and you can do actual things to show both. You gently scoop up the bird and bring it indoors. You find a clean cardboard box—one that’s big enough for it to move around in but not so big that it’s lost inside. You add a soft blanket or towel, but you don’t just throw this in the box; you create a small nest with it. You keep the bird away from known dangers and hazards, and you make sure it has food and water. You check on it often. Maybe, from time to time, you gently stroke its head.

You can’t undo the injury, but you can keep the bird safe while its body does the work. This is similar to what we are looking to do when supporting someone in a crisis.

Here are some practical ways to show support:

✅ A calm presence. The purpose of a calm presence isn’t to make the person “be calm.” A calm presence isn’t about containing; it’s about offering a safe container. It ensures the person in crisis isn’t left all alone with shock, grief, and anguish.

✅ Permission to feel. Let them scream, cry, yell, be numb. If they aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, let them have and express their emotions. If you are seeing something that concerns you, consult a qualified health (or mental health) professional.

✅ Practical things. A lot of us are great at this kind of support; it might include things like making phone calls, sending emails, looking up information, helping with paperwork, feeding/walking pets, helping with kids/other family members, buying groceries/making meals/organizing meal trains, driving them to appointments, cleaning the house, organizing fundraising, listing and coordinating things that need to be done, and so on. Help with these kinds of things may be needed for months.

✅ Follow through. One of the hardest things for a person in crisis is watching the support disappear as everyone around them returns to “normal.” For the person in crisis, there isn’t a “normal” to return to. Check in consistently. Put a reminder in your phone to call/text. Add important days (the anniversary, for example) to your calendar so you don’t forget. If you have the means, consider sending a care package, card, or gift in the weeks or months that follow, when the support has dwindled (or disappeared) and the weight of this new reality is setting in.

In other words, keep showing up.

Here are some things that are less helpful:

⚠️ “Thoughts and prayers” followed by nothing else. It’s okay to send thoughts and prayers, but often, everyone is doing this and no one is showing up. When this happens, it is less helpful. Tangible support is needed. 

⚠️ “Let me know if you need anything.” A person in crisis isn’t able to coordinate care. Also, some people say this even if they have no intention of helping (or aren’t able to). This leaves the person in crisis not knowing who actually wants to help and who will follow through. Consider what you can do and take the initiative. Offer something concrete and specific like, “I will drop off dinner every Monday night at 6pm for the next month. Is there anything you don’t eat?” Or “I will drive so-and-so to X activity for the next month.” Or “I will sit down with you on X day and we will do this paperwork together.”

⚠️ Fast-forwarding to “healing” and “moving on.” Think compassion, patience, and presence, not pressure. When someone has a serious physical injury, we know the body goes through an internal process that takes time and can’t be rushed or “hacked.” This is similar. “Healing” is non-linear and looks different for everyone. Some wounds may never fully “heal.” We all want to make the pain better, but fast-forwarding to “healing” can send the message that there isn’t room for grief, and this can increase feelings of isolation and aloneness.

⚠️ Phrases and attitudes that “bypass.” Emotions are going to be present. This is healthy, normal, and adaptive. Trying to control, suppress, or skirt around emotions will not help and may actually cause harm. Here are some common things to avoid:

� Looking for silver linings (“At least...” etc.)

� Spiritual bypassing (“They’re in a better place,” “They are with God,” etc.)

� Forcing meaning (“There’s a reason for everything,” etc.)

� Cutting off or shaming emotions (“Don’t cry,” “Be strong,” “Stop wallowing,” etc.)

*A final note—these ideas are starting places. They may not apply to all people in all situations.